What Does It Mean to Care for Those Who Have Had Abortions?

On Monday, I pointed out that abortion doesn't just affect women. It affects men too. Then I encouraged churches to care for both groups. What specifically can a church do to care for those with abortion in their past?

In my book Common Ground Without Compromise, I highlight one thing that doesn't help them: Silence. If we ignore the issue, never speak about abortion at church, never dialogue or listen, we aren't caring for these people. Obviously, they don't need mean-spirited judgment that belittles them either. They need help metabolizing their feelings about the abortion and help coming to both trust Christ's work on the cross for their sin and feel that God has forgiven them.

Offer Forgiveness and Healing
So I suggest that churches bring the subject up. Pastors should speak on abortion (and other sins) regularly. Sure, you'll have to take care to deal with the topic in a constructive way. That means preaching the forgiveness of Christ but also making clear the truth about abortion (since many who have had an abortion don't connect the dots of what they've done until much later in life). In part that means your messages should be coupled with easy community-accepted opportunities to receive the ministry of the church in prayer and counseling. I suggest not singling out abortion-experienced people for prayer, but allowing people dealing with all sorts of sins to seek prayer. This may help some be more willing to confront their significant inner pain.

Clarify the Need for Forgiveness
Although I wouldn't single out abortion-experienced people for special prayer (unless this is the common practice at your church), it is vitally important to single out the abortion issue on an intellectual level. Most people are so misinformed and confused about abortion that they don't think they've done anything wrong or offensive to God. Clearly, this is a real obstruction to moving to the step of accepting forgiveness. You need to carefully teach what the Scripture says about human beings, then show that the unborn is an example of one. (Our many pro-life resources, by Greg and Steve, can help with this; or email us for suggestions.) Without this component, forgiveness-focused ministry to abortion-experienced people in the church makes little sense. If abortion is a tragedy like a bus accident, without personal responsibility, healing the hurts of abortion will look very different than if abortion is an act of killing one's child. Getting clear on the intellectual level is not the only piece that matters, but it is essential. In other words, intellectual teaching on abortion is necessary but not sufficient.

Be Patient Comforters
One other suggestion: Don't expect hurting people to feel better. Not in 30 minutes; not in 30 days. If your church's approach to comfort is to say, "We'll pray for you," but then impatiently move on when the person doesn't feel better very quickly, you don't know what comfort is. Healthy church support means coming alongside to walk with a person and share in their burden, even as we allow them to "bear their own load." (See Gal. 6:1-5) We shouldn't abandon people in the midst of their feelings, just because their feelings take a long time to process.

Partner with the Local Pregnancy Resource Center
Your local pregnancy resource center can help you develop an effective program of teaching, prayer, and counseling for abortion-experienced people in your community. Perhaps the most effective thing your church can do is to partner with the local PRC by funding their post-abortion counseling program. PRCs usually have trained counselors on staff who have experienced abortion themselves. Let them help you. Some abortion-experienced people I've talked to say that the only thing that helped them was the post-abortion Bible study offered by the PRC.

Comments

[Mike]

Steve, have you ever heard of this: I know a woman who had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. Her doctor and no hospital would "deliver" the baby and thus she had to go to an abortion clinic to have the baby removed. It was a horrifically traumatic event for her. Do you know who she can talk to about this? Does this happen often?

[Steve]

Mike,
Thank you for sharing your friend's experience. By "deliver," do you mean a natural delivery or a "delivery" via D&C? My understanding is that a D&C is standard hospital practice in response to a death of an unborn baby after about 10 weeks, at least in those cases where the body has not expelled the unborn baby naturally (I think there are reasons to question whether D&C should be so frequently used, but I won't go into it here). In any case, I can't speak to the reason the doctor and hospital made the determination they did. I do think that your friend's local pregnancy resource center is a good place to start seeking counseling, since she is dealing with some of the same guilty feelings women feel after an abortion. (She's also dealing with other feelings of loss and sadness, which are important, too.) I don't think the feelings are connected to actual guilt in this case, but she will still need to work through them and understand them. The PRC is the first place I'd check. If your friend can't get the help she needs, please contact me via email at STR and I'll try to offer additional suggestions.

[alan aronson]

As the Monday post is rather far down and I just came across this at LGM, I'll post the link here. It and the associated links are FYI as I haven't had the time to read them.

http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2008/01/political-strategy-masquerading-as.html

(copy to here to link)

[Kristi]

I have a friend who wrote an article recently that you may want to read when you have a chance.

http://www.standardsforlife.com/even-christians-have-abortions/

Thanks for posting this!