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February 07, 2011


It means nothing that arranged marriages promote stability when it is based on an enslavement to tradition and to false religion that hold power through their pervasiveness within a family and a community.

I've had friends from India and Pakistan, and the way the explained arranged marriages, it has more in common with parental matchmaking than what we usually think of as arranged marriages. The parents find somebody, you meet them, and you decide if you want to go through with it. They aren't forced to marry people they don't want to marry. My Pakistani friend defended this on the basis that your parents know you better than anybody else and more than anybody else, your parents have your best interests in mind. Also, they are smarter and wiser than you. My Indian friend told me they advertise in the newspaper, the parents interview the other person before you meet, and it pretty much works the same as in Pakistan.

One of my favourite lines in "Cold Comfort Farm" was when Flora was dancing with Charles, and they had this conversation:

Charles: Do you ever think of getting married?

Flora: I believe in arranged marriage, don't you?

Charles: Rather out of date.

Flora: Not at all! I've always liked the phrase, "A Marriage has been arranged." When I feel like it, I'll arrange one.


That sounds like a genetic fallacy nearly.. how about evaluating arranged marriages on their own merits, as opposed to where they derive from.

On my last trip to India, one of the church members that accompanied us was a young single woman. Her father had offered her the opportunity to choose her own husband and she gratefully refused. She saw God's provision in the insight of her father and older brother in choosing a husband for her.

While I agree that arranged marriages are unwise in American culture, there is a general principle that I see at work. No matter what the culture, in arranged marriages couples stay married for the same reason that they married to begin with. In today's Western culture, where we marry for "love", such feelings change. This means that within a couple years a couple must change the reason they stay married from "love" to "commitment" and allow the hormones they call "love" to be replaced as they abate to the true love that surpasses any change in emotion where each partner seeks each other's best interests sacrificially and with all intent and determination.

Enslavement to tradition... interesting. Especially in light of the tradition from which it comes. Westerners, particularly English and French speakers, have a short history of "individualism" that we find hard to shake. We look as marriage as a way to fulfill our hopes of romance and love; almost completely emotionally based. We assume that 1)"happiness" is our right, and is 2)available on our own terms. 3)It is only attainable when we find that "special someone".

Most of the history of the world, in fact every society save ours, has always looked on the community rather than the individual as the more important. Family is of much higher import than the individual in many modern societies even today - particularly those untouched by our advertising which focuses so much on "self."

Marriage is not supposed to be the foundation of your happiness. Most people spend their whole lives looking for that. We put so many of our hopes and dreams on marriage, whether romantic, emotional, spiritual or otherwise. Family however, not just "marriage," is to be the vehicle of much of your spiritual growth. Where else are you called to such faith and faithfulness, self-giving, sacrifice, honor, devotion, procreation, education, patience, temperance and love. That can happen with

As for "my own terms" - what do I know?! Honestly, if I look back, I realize how much God has protected me from the innumerable bad choices in my life. Do I honestly want to have life on "my own terms?"

And to think that fulfillment is only available with a special person of your own choosing, for wholly selfish or emotional needs, is highly suspect. Besides, to think that you will pick the "right person" is so naive, for the truth is, few do! What is the divorce rate now anyway?
On top of that, people change. My wife has sometimes wondered if I don't suffer from multiple personality syndrome I have changed so much since we were married. And she has as well. Don't get me wrong, I love the woman I married, but a marriage cannot be based solely on that romantic thing many of us call "love."

In the end though, fulfillment is only available through one special person. But it isn't your spouse. It is Christ.

Ana, I agree.

By this same logic.... culturally, I don't think people like you and I, people watching this video blog.. [we] are raised in a different environment and have a different expectation which doesn't allow for this idea of [gay marriage] to sit well, but that doesn't mean it should be anathematized" .... yes, our christian environment may not allow it to sit well at the moment, but that doesn't mean it's bad on it's own grounds.

This is a repost, I apologize, but I thought it may be more appropriate here.

Question I've always had is "who is considered married"? Are non-Christians married, since they basically made their pledges to each other to a foreign god, or to no god at all? Does the Christian God here their requests? And if He does in this context, are there other requests of non-Christians that he would answer or grant?

I know many Christians say that they acknowledge people as married IF the state does so. But what if the state change the rules? What if the couple is a common law couple that just lives together for 7 years and the state deems them married?

And for those who may think non-Christians arent married, then if they do decide to become Christians, should they marry again - this time, under the true God of Christianity.

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