Does Having Homosexual Friends Mean You're Unequally Yoked?

I had the privilege – and was humbled by the opportunity – to preach to a congregation of 3,000 believers at Calvary Chapel Chino Valley this past Sunday morning on “Homosexuality: Truth and Compassion.” One of the points I made during my message was that Scripture doesn’t teach that we have to cut ties with family, friends, and co-workers who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). In fact, I argued, we should make our relationships with them a high priority.

Notice, I didn’t say we should make them the “highest” priority. Our relationship with God comes first, followed by our relationships with our spouse and/or children if we have them. My point, though, was that relationships are the bridge by which we can show love, share truth, or explain the Gospel to those who identify as LGBT. We should do what we can to nurture them.

Someone asked me after my sermon how my point applies in light of Paul’s warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 to “not be yoked together with unbelievers.” She wanted to know if there are instances where we don’t want our relationship with those who identify as LGBT to be too close. I thought that was a great question.

In the passage, Paul paints a picture of two oxen that are yoked together with a wooden harness to enable them to pull a load together. If one ox steers to the right, though, it can pull the other ox in the same direction. Paul warns believers not to be bound – yoked – with unbelievers because of the possibility they might be pulled in an unbiblical direction.

My colleague Greg Koukl gives a few examples of such relationships: “I think certainly marriage would be an example of that. Certain types of business deals and partnerships would be examples of that. Wherever you're in a circumstance where you're tied together so much that their way of life, their values, and their worldview will function to pull you off the straight and narrow either in your beliefs, convictions, or in your behaviors.”

It’s also important to remember that Paul gives us freedom to maintain a type of relationship with unbelievers, to “associate” with them (1 Corinthians 5:9-11). His concern, though, is that we don’t become yoked with them.

The question is, could a close relationship with a friend, family member, or co-worker who identifies as LGBT qualify as being unequally yoked? Yes. Would every relationship qualify? No.

You have to determine if your relationship is one where you are yoked – strongly connected – together with them. One question you can ask yourself is, Am I moving towards the other person’s position, views, or behaviors? If you don’t find yourself pulled towards values and behaviors, then it’s possible you’re not yoked with them and your relationship isn’t a problem. If you find yourself changing to be more like them (not necessarily in acting out homosexual behavior, but in adopting their values, beliefs, and convictions), then being yoked with them is a problem. You should probably back off or build some healthy boundaries.

This, though, is not a special rule only for your relationships with those who identify as LGBT. This applies to any relationship, including those with heterosexuals. As Greg suggests, even a relationship with a business partner could be a problem. If their unbiblical practices are steering you away from conducting your business ethically, you should reconsider your partnership.

Determining which relationships are a problem might be clear in some cases but not in others. When it’s not clear, I would ask for input from those who know you well and can give you an objective assessment of your relationships. Also, pray and ask God for wisdom (James 1:5), and seek counsel from trusted friends (Proverbs 12:15, 15:22) or wise leaders in the church.

Comments

[Lane]

Great post, Alan, and a much needed message. We, as Christians, can at times become more focused on maintaining the 'distinction,' that is, the separateness from the world, which in turn directly impacts our relationships with others, often to the point that it hinders our being the 'influence' Jesus has called us to be, which is the salt of the earth and the light of the world. (Matt. 5:13-16) John Stott covers this well in his Christianity Today article, "Four Ways Christians Can Influence the World."

(I also have an article addressing this issue at: http://existenceofgod.org/the-intellectual-ostrich-pt-2-survival-to-influence/

One other observation is that in both the KJV & ESV, it states in 2 Cor. 6:14 that we are not to be "unequally yoked," which is the point that you are making in the article. I found the ESV study notes to be helpful in broadening the context and understanding of what Paul is saying:
"To be “unequally yoked” is to be “hitched up” or even crossbred with another animal who is not the same (Gk. heterozygeō; the related adjective is found in Lev. 19:19; see also Deut. 22:10, though the word does not occur there). It is thus an image for being allied or identified wrongly with unbelievers. In context, it refers especially to those who are still rebelling against Paul within the church, whom Paul now shockingly labels unbelievers (he clearly thinks it possible that some are [2 Cor. 13:5], though he hopes not), but the principle has wider application to other situations where (as with animals yoked together) one person’s conduct and direction of life strongly influences or controls the other’s."

Blessings,
Lane

[Beth]

Let's say you have a close friend who is a lesbian. You are in no danger of adopting her values, and you are trying to be a good example of a Christian to her, knowing that you are her only Christian friend. What should you do if she decides to marry her girlfriend and says that if you refuse to come to her wedding, she'll consider you a horrible friend and won't want anything to do with you ever again? Is that the point at which you end the friendship?

[dave]

@ Beth,

I was in the same situation only it was a case of my nephew marrying a divorced woman. (I believe divorce and remarriage is adultery and belongs to the same class of sins as SSM).

So I spoke out against it and riled the entire family. I also refused to go to the wedding.

But I have a clear conscience. I would not have a clear conscience had I followed that course of action.

PS. The marriage blew up in his face and cost him dearly. He remained single ever since till this day.

[RagTime]

dave--

You don't have to answer, but I'm just curious how your relationship is with your nephew at present?

[dave]

@Ragtime;

Thanks for asking. My relationship with my nephew is probably "distant", that is not close. It remains that way with his immediate family.

My family members are less distant but not too warm either. It has been probably 10 years now.

[Sam Harper]

What if these homosexuals call themselves Christians? Paul said in 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 not to associate with anybody who is a "so called brother" but who is an immoral person.

[Mark Stanley]

Interesting. While I agree with everything said, I fear the word study has trumped the clear context of 1 Corinthians 5. A simple reading of the chapter reveals that the key difference which determines whether a Christian ought to be "yoked" with somebody is whether or not they are a professing Christian. If they "bear the name of brother" and are living in grievous, unrepentant sin (like, for example, an active participant in the LGBT community), Paul says to not associate, and to not even eat with such a person.

Loved the post, just... Was a bit perturbed by the use of 1 Corinthians 5 and the focus on the word study rather than the plain meaning of the text.

[Just Say No to the Alt-Reich]

I'd like to see a philosophical analysis of "friendship" in regards to this topic because I'm sure there are some instances in which we should not be "friends" with those who are in serious sin and unrepentant and then there are instances in which we should be "friends" to those who are in serious sin and unrepentant. This will vary depending on what we think friendship entails.

But the Bible does give warnings about having relationships with "bad" people that extends beyond "yoking", e.g., 1 Cor. 15:33.